How to follow your dreams even while you have mental health struggles
I could no longer wait until I didn't struggle anymore. I had to start moving forward in the present 🌼
A warm hello to friends new and old, I am so glad you’re here. This is a topic that I am extremely familiar with & connected to. I hope it resonates and inspires you.
Mostly I hope it reminds you that you are enough just as you are in this moment, and you have everything you need inside you to simply begin. 🌱
Usually I like to start my digital letters with something intriguing, maybe a little mysterious - something that invites you in to keep reading.
But for today, I don’t think we need anything fancy. Because the emotions and experiences I want to chat with you about, are messy. They are abstract and colorful, deep and frustrating, and sometimes soul-crushing.
So for today I’m just going to imagine I’m sitting under a flowy big oak tree next to you, and write. 🌿
“You have choice” 🌼
I don’t remember what we were talking about, but my old therapist offered this quote to me once and it always stuck.
You have choice.
Not even “a choice,” just the mere notion that I have the innate ability to choose. Things. Paths. Places. Actions.
Not thoughts and not emotions. You cannot choose your thoughts. You cannot choose how you feel. You can do things to shift those states of being - but innately those experiences are not up for your choosing. Despite what our odd society makes us believe.
I can’t choose to no longer struggle with anxiety and OCD and periods where I feel very low. Of course, I can practice ways of feeling better and working towards less struggle. But I can’t snap myself out of what has been a large portion of how my brain operates since childhood, in a snap.
And, I can choose now to begin working towards my dreams & wishes for my life, instead of waiting for the imaginary day when all is peaceful all the time.
And so, I did.
This is not me implying you should ignore yourself if you’re struggling and “push through” anyways. This isn’t necessarily for people in the midst of the hardest and darkest struggles who need to focus on other things. This is for those of us that are no longer choosing to wait for the day we have perfection, and instead decide to take small steps forward even with a chaotic and painful mind, while we work towards more peace.
You are allowed to have your own journey and it’s allowed to look very different from others. 🐌
My experiences are different from yours. Especially when talking about mental health. I can only speak from what I’ve gone through, which is a decade + of anxiety, very intense OCD, and PTSD.
But mostly - I am just a human being whose mind learned ways to keep myself safe, even if those approaches are a bit misguided.
Sometimes when we have struggles that are very consuming of our time and energy, it feels like all we are. Like the labels are US.
This is something I strongly defy against. I am a human being and that’s the end of the sentence. As are you. Regardless of how “ok” or not you feel in any moment. There is a beating, love-filled heart, a sparkly wondrous soul, and a core of multi-facets and passions that have always been within the core of who you are.
I got to a point mid last year where I could no longer wait for the day I would feel ready and good enough inside to begin my next creative & entrepreneurial adventure. I also couldn’t wait until I felt 100% peaceful to experience joy, delight, and connection.
The future day where everything is breezy and I have no struggle doesn’t exist. Maybe a version of it does, but that day was not nearby and my procrastination on life would have kept me stuck forever.
So I used my ability to choose, and I chose.
💖
I still struggle everyday. And I have to keep working towards lightening the load of my OCD and my low periods.
But I’m still moving forward, even if it’s sometimes at a snail’s pace. (Which isn’t so bad - I adore snails.)
So I’d like to share the insights I’ve collected along the way so far from this unpredictable, scary, courageous, magical choice. 🌸
Here goes:
You have to let yourself ride the waves. There are going to be really difficult waters where all you want is to go back to the shores of waiting where it feels safe. But the only way to get to make stops on different islands of joy, connection, true delight, and even bliss - is to stay in the depths where your courage, hope, and care for yourself can be the creatures you befriend on your journey.
You have to constantly accept that it WILL take you longer than others. Your external success might come quick or slow, but the actual process, the steps you take, the ‘work’ you do on your way to your dreams will be slower. It might even be a lot slower. Especially than the pace you want to be able to move at. To continue alongside this, you must create space for acceptance - over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.
You have to do what you truly want to be doing. You might have moments of anger, frustration, doubt, wondering, wanting to quit your dreams - and a lot of existential moments like me - so make sure whatever you’re moving towards is what you really want and adjust and shift as you go to keep maintaining alignment with your truest self.
You must not keep everything inside or to yourself. You don’t have to make it the whole story, but be brave and vulnerable enough to share with others that you’re struggling sometimes and moving towards what you truly want. Kind people will see this as courageous and admirable. Because it is. You do not need to pretend that everything is breezy and feels perfect if it doesn’t. And, be loud about the wins. Celebrate yourself fiercely. (I’m working on this one. For me, it looks like a lot of wild solo dance parties 💃🪩)
Most of all, you have to be kind to yourself (which can be the hardest thing!) and remember that your life is now. Like I said before, (repeating because it’s important!) this isn’t necessarily for people in the midst of the hardest and darkest struggles who need to focus on other things. This is for those of us that are no longer choosing to wait for the day we have perfection, and instead decide to take small steps forward even with a chaotic and painful mind, while we work towards more peace.
We can’t get time back. But we have time right now and we have the agency to use it 🩷 No matter how snail-like we are 🦋
I’d love to hear if this resonates with you ✨ Come chat either in email by hitting ‘reply’ or in the comments if you’re on the app/web. :)
And here is a poem from my book, 20 Year Old Butterfly 🦋
Sending love to you,
Bailey
