Healing is not being unaffected 🦋

A surprise poem on a Friday for you!

Hi!! I hope your Friday is going well. I’ve just been sitting in my chair typing poems on my computer for my poetry book and this one stuck out to me right now. I thought it might be a good reminder for both of us :) 💗

Healing is not being unaffected
It is not being cured
There is no wound to be fixed
Of this I am sure

I tried so many times
To stop consuming the internet
I begged to my passed grandfather
To save me from my head

I screamed and cried
In pieces on the floor
Haunted by my mind
Trapped feeling stuck like that was all my life was for

But then…
Nothing
A rainbow didn’t change the sky
There was no potion or magic supply

I just kept going
I carried on
I fell back down
And got back up

And that was it
The tiny feeling
Deep within
Quietly living

There with me
At 10, 13, 19
In the dark of night
In the smiles + dreaming

So gentle and shy
Not overwhelming
The moment of relief after a cry
That the tears have an ending

It’s hard. It hurts.
It’s painful and uncomfortable
But it’s in the change
That now I know

THIS is healing
The choice to try
To feel it all
And live a LIVED life

Even if I feel lost
Or like the ‘why’ is dimmed
This chance is all I have
And I am taking it

Through shaking hands
And gross discomfort
And true gut feelings
On this floating rock place
called Earth

Because I am here
Even if I feel pain
I am here
Even if I feel nothing

The moon always appears
The sun always shows up
And I will too
Even if I am closed off

My heart still beats
I feel it and I know
Healing- all it means
Is never letting go

The glimmer inside
Even deep deep hidden
Healing is in not waiting
Until it’s too late to start living

Even just one step
You’ll go backwards, forwards both
But you’re trying and you’re breathing
And that’s all you have to know.

🩷Sending you love

Bailey