Being shy is your treasure ⭐️🌸
Maybe it was treasure hidden under shame.
A warm “hi!” to you reading this now. I’m Bailey and I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome in to this digital creative space, & remember to breathe as you read. (I always seem to forget to take deep breaths :))
When I was little, I was routinely described as shy. It was how I was seen by parents of the kids I was around, by my own parents in social settings, and by the kids themselves.
I have one memory that always sticks in my mind. It’s a special one to me, I hold it within my heart with great value. I feel a bit anxious sharing with you because it’s vulnerable to express such meaningful moments in this way, but I trust you’ll hold it gently.
I was 4 years old and my family & I had moved into a new place. I was on the patio accompanying my dad with gardening of some sort, when two little kids came waltzing down the path in the small courtyard that circled the patios of the houses. A boy around my age, and a girl a bit older. Brother & sister.
They invited me to play with them! But, I was shy. So naturally I invited my dad to come play with us too. We threw a ball around all together. I believe at some point my dad left us to play on our own. This was 16 years ago so my memory only contains brief & foggy snapshots.
Playing with these neighborhood friends became a ritual for many years to come. It’s a highlight of my otherwise messy childhood, and although my friendships with them too became broken towards the end of elementary school, I still cherish those moments where I just got to be a kid. Free, mostly me, playful, silly, shy and all. I say “mostly me” because I wasn’t 100% comfortable being my truest self, but I was pretty near to it for being around non-close family members.
The reason I’m sharing this story with you is because I believe my shyness was a gift, and if you are resonating, then I want you to believe that yours is too. Being “shy,” in the way I experience it, is really just being sensitive. Sensitive to new people, new experiences, new moments. It’s like being sensitive to the initial cool chill of a springtime pool. I would always ease myself down the poolside steps, taking in the brain freeze like cold that filled up my arms and legs, only to be settled a few moments later, the cold turning to neutral. Maybe some people jump into that freezing water - maybe I did sometimes too. But if you prefer to ease in, why not grant yourself that pace?
When I watch baby videos of myself, I seem the complete opposite of shy. I was loud, intensely silly, highly energetic and very strong willed. I wasn’t pretending. And I never pretended to be shy either. In those videos, I was around my sisters and parents who I felt comfortable taking up space around. I knew them, I spent everyday with them, the water was warm.
When those two kids invited me to play - that was brand new territory. I wasn’t feeling quite settled yet. I love my dad for what he did in that situation. He didn’t force me to go play by myself, I probably would’ve protested strongly. He came with me, until I was comfortable enough to venture on my own. I still rely on my dad for moments like this when we are together in a social setting that feels unnerving. And when I am alone, I rely on myself. My inner self-kindness.
The most ridiculous thing is that in our society, both ‘being shy’ and ‘taking up space’ are shamed. But I think shyness especially has a bad reputation. It’s very misunderstood.
Why should you have to feel immediately perfect the second you’re thrown in a new environment? Why is it wrong if you need time to adjust? Why is there any ounce of shame in any of this?
I have another theory. Since I believe that, for a lot of people, being shy is part of their deep sensitivity, then that also means that the seemingly least social people, might just be cravers of the deepest connections.
Remember my pool analogy? It goes for the shallow vs the deep end too. There might be people in the world who don’t need as much time to warm up to others- but how deep are they getting? Being shy, socially anxious, or introverted is so associated with not wanting human connection. In my life, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The thing I want MOST in life is deep connection with other people. With kindred spirits.
You do not need to conform yourself to a label. You don’t need to be who everyone sees you as. It’s not your job to make other people comfortable with the FACT that you do not fit into a box, one word, or one experience. It’s their job. Just like if you have been shamed for who you are, that isn’t shame that belongs to you. It belongs to the world that has made human experiences into a game of who is better and who is less than.
I hope reading this allows you to let go, even just a smidge, of any weight of feeling “not allowed” that you carry. Maybe shyness was never what you thought. Maybe it was part of your sensitive nature. Maybe it was treasure hidden under shame. And maybe those slower, deeper, different, quieter parts of you are still alive in your heart, waiting for you to offer them a hug, invite them to play, and whisper “You’re welcome here. Take your time, my friend.”
Love,
Bailey
And one more thing :)
One of the things I do when I am spending time in solitude, with just myself, paper & a pencil, is write poetry. If you didn’t know, I gathered 113 of those poems and put them into a collection called 20 Year Old Butterfly 🦋 It truly is poetry for the sensitive souls. If you’d like to explore more, here is the link or tap the button below. It takes you to my website (a fun place to wander :))
